Cedar Point 2009

A few weeks ago the youngest generations of my paternal family and I went a'Cedar Pointing. Then we got a motel room, woke up the next day, and went a'Soak Citying. 'Twas a full and enjoyable weekend to say the least.

Today, I find myself amidships a four-day weekend of a vessel, iced in again by cold, gray glaciers drifting through the clouds, drizzling their slick melt down onto my decks, as the crew and I conspire to pass the waning time mixing metaphors like strawberry daiquiris on Spring Break in Rosarito...

So I thought I might turn my attentions away from all the still, gray nothing out the window and post some of the pictures I took in Sandusky. Now then, the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players proudly presents: Cedar Point, 2009.

A gang war in the making.

As we entered the park my father (to left, in white) and Charlie Brown (to right, in yellow - large head) lectured some young black children on the importance of doing well in sports, "For only then will the white man accept you into his society," said Charlie Brown. Most of Chuck's comments were saliently racist.


From this perspective we are able to witness hundreds of people renting lockers for $13, paying $3.85 for 24oz sodas, and tossing back $8 beers. By the by, is the gondola not the scariest attraction in the whole damned park, or what?


I took this shot just after my dad got one of the tracks from the Mantis caught in his right nostril. They had to shut down both rides to pry us loose. On the upshot, my dad says his nasal passages haven't been as clear in twenty years.

I am available for childrens' parties.

No joke, this is just a beautiful picture I took here, don't you think. Look at the framing, look at the joy in the subjects; the action and movement, the brilliant color! I am just so awesome at things!

"Dude, I'm gonna hurl!"

I caught this one a frame too early. A moment later Emily violently upchucked over the side, covering nearly everyone in the oily garlic-cheese fries we had for lunch. The Japanese exchange student running the ride laughed hysterically and walked away, letting the ride spin them all silly for another full two minutes while he went to find a mop.

No Limit Texas Hold'em

At the end of the day we ordered a 52" pizza (that's radius), and taught the girls to play gin rummy. If I can dodge Cady's muscle a few more weeks I might be able to pay her back her winnings.

Wave pool or crash area?

I'd never been to Soak City before. It's largest attraction is it's collection of monstrous water slides. We got there before the crowd and managed to go down just about every slide once before the mongrel hordes came in and backed up all the lines. The first thing I noticed was how incredibly close Soak City was to the Millennium Force. At more than one point in the park you find yourself standing no more than twelve feet from its passing cars. Even so I don't recall ever noting that proximity while riding the coaster. I guess it just doesn't register at sixty miles an hour on a seventy degree slope.

Nirvana's 'In Watero?' (Oh... Awful pun.)

Emily sure looks like her mom here. Another great picture, huh? Just like an album cover. I rock. This is at the wave pool during its non-waving state, while they let the reactor cool down and inspect for neutron leaks.

Sharing a pad.

Soak City isn't all about slowly ascending creaky, shifting, wooden stairways to the tops of precariously staged plastic tubes and hurling yourself down them with only an inch of running water between your soft, supple flesh and third degree friction burns... It's also about lily pads.

Getting into character.

I went across the pads myself once and this was actually pretty fun. The two skills most needed to successfully overcome the lily pad challenge are balance and a deep seeded mistrust of other people. I, of course, came through with flying colors.

I am not amused!

It's an interesting experience, being in an amusement park in an amusement park. It is not unamusing.

Who's the pigeon-toed freak in the do-rag?

One obligatory shot of the author. Jeez I look stupid in that hat and those feet. And what's with the arms? A new face wouldn't hurt. Ugh, and where'd he get that shirt...

Industry at work.

No trip across the Ohio/Michigan border is complete without craning your neck to make sure the rods at the cooling plant haven't melted into a radioactive slag. Looks like we live another day, boys. Though I wouldn't bother taking a sperm count for a couple decades.

Teh End!

(Could you tell I just finished reading 'The Hunt for Red October?'

1 comment:

  1. "In Watero." Oh, BROTHER. Yeah, that was pretty bad.

    I miss Cedar Point. It's been a few years.