Quotations Anonymous

"Rejection sucks, regardless of the quality of the individual who's doing the rejecting."

"I'm drunk, but curious if you've ever measured ur penis? If so, how long we talking?"

"[...]without exposition and backstory, [these characters] feel as though they were randomly tossed into an anime story-generating machine."

"Your font is not your personality."

"There is no reason to believe whatsoever that this is anything other than a failure of our infrastructure."

"Bush expressed profound reverence for God while his policies massacred God's creation and creatures with the utmost irreverence."

"I don't understand. Lakes have beaches."

"These people, they live in a completely different world than the one with air, and ground, and stuff."

"A sickness known as hate; not a virus, not a microbe, not a germ, but a sickness nonetheless; highly contagious, deadly in its effects. Don't look for it in the Twilight Zone. Look for it in a mirror. Look for it before the light goes out altogether."

"Anyone on CourtTV is worthy of the lake of fire."

"We like democracy in strategically irrelevant countries."

"Justice Antonin Scalia, writing for the majority, dismissed the idea that the right of association requires a process by which voters have a meaningful opportunity to affect an election’s outcome."

"To say that these reporters are too focused on covering the horserace is really an insult to sports reporting."

"How do you defend yourself against these anonymous people who've clearly... typed shit up and hit send?"

"Where have all the good men gone; And where are all the gods? Where's the street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds?"

"There is no difference between those who wear a suicide suit and a diplomat's suit. Both are carrying out [...] war crimes and we should exact the full price not only from the minor squads in the field but also from those who send them."

"The story of a Great Flood sent by a deity or deities to destroy civilization as an act of divine retribution is a widespread theme[...]"

"If you feel that you can't go on
because all of your hope is gone
And your life is filled with much confusion
Until happiness is just an illusion
And your world around is crumbling down
Darlin, reach out"

"Vacated and remanded."

"The pre-dawn blast on Thursday, caused by a crude bomb made from low-grade explosives, damaged the recruiting station but caused no injuries. That station, like others, has been the target of protests against the U.S.-led war in Iraq."

"Because, to be honest, it gets hard to feel good a lot of the time. It seems to be getting harder as time goes on. I guess I didn’t figure it would be so hard for so long when I quit college and decided to follow my creative urges. I didn’t figure that people would lose faith in Community and fall into a perpetual endgame of post-apocopytical hedonism without the apocolypse."

"[L]ove don't make things nice - it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die."

"It is clear to me now that the Republic no longer functions. I pray you will bring sanity and compassion back to the Senate."

"[...]the first miracle in Jesus's story is that anyone believed him."

"Of course, in the wild, the gorilla would be at risk to be murdered -- by humans. That’s why they have to be caged -- by other humans. Those appear to be the options - prison or death. Not much of a choice. Humanity sucks."

"[...W]hy, I ask myself, why have I put up with you? I can't imagine but now I know. Fear. Yellow freakin' fear. I've been too chicken shit afraid to live my life so I sold it to you for three hundred freakin' dollars a week! You're lucky I don't kill you! You're lucky I don't rip your freakin' throat out! But I'm not going to and maybe you're not so lucky at that. 'Cause I'm gonna leave you here, [...] and what could be worse than that?"

"Vanity of vanities, [...] vanity of vanities; all is vanity."

"The aim has now become to reduce all Americans to the compulsive, bloodless dimensions of a guy named Joe."

"Do not lay down any rules beyond what I appointed you, and do not give a law like the lawgiver lest you be constrained by it."

"Kill everyone! God will know his own!"

"Until I met you I was dead. An impotent corpse existing behind a false guise of life. A life in which I did nothing real. Day to day I merely went through the motions of living, as if I were a zombie. And I always had the feeling as if I were gradually dying. If I'm condemned to go back to that, then I'd rather..."

"My heart always told me that people are inherently good. My experience suggests otherwise."

"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that. So, my father's in the army; he wants me to join, but I can't work for that corporation. So what I've been doing lately is kickboxing."

"We are plunged into an existence fantastic to the point of nightmare, and however hard we rationalize, or however firm our religious faith, however closely we dog the heels of science or wheel among the starts of mysticism, we can not really make head or tail of it.

"I saw God the other day, by the river on a rainy afternoon. He helped a kitten that was left all alone. It's a god that only I can see. A black-winged angel that came down from the heavens just for me."

"I am Shiva, god of death."

"So if, in the future, we all find ourselves playing 'Captain Bland's Monotonous Adventure' in what moments we can spare between toiling in the Microsoft overmind's off-world mining complex then I want you to know that I fucking called it."

"If it helps your decision: I'd be considerably less likely to end my own life if you said yes."

"I've got to be crazy. I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose."

"[...R]enounce the life that perishes, and dismiss from your mind mortal considerations, and throw off the burdens of human existence, and lay aside your weak nature, and put away your perplexities, and hasten to escape from these times. For worse evils are still to come than those you have seen happen."

"We X-Nauts are not all rainbows and lollipops, I assure you. We're quite nasty."

"Just give up and admit you're an asshole. You would be in some good company."

"You can make your own liquid pretentiousness at home by burning Limp Bizkit merchandise until Limp Bizkit start crying, then mixing their tears with the ashes."

"[T]here is no straightforward career path to becoming an astronaut, or indeed to becoming Gordon Freeman."

"There is no moral to this story, that I can see. Carry on with your lives."

"A soldier must stop a swarm of beetles that turn humans into zombies."

"...Thanatos..."

"[I]t would be a rare political figure who would appoint someone he didn't believe to be loyal [to his interests], and that is true from the President of the United States to the Mayor of the smallest hamlet[.]"

"Why switch horsemen mid-apocolypse?"

"Let the communion begin. Burn this oil, it is my body. Shoot up this dope, it is my blood."

"Having no personal loan accounts appearing on the credit bureau report, or if they are present but are closed [...], is a slightly higher risk compared to currently having an installment loan and making payments on it."

"Try waking up and enjoying the life you've chosen - okay - instead of calling your travel agent and getting the big 'budget deal.' It's a t-shirt nirvana."

"There always is hope. But you may not feel that hope until you receive effective treatment for any disorder that you might have."

"Zauling. Is there a word 'zauling?' If there is what does it mean? If there isn't what does it mean? Perhaps both, maybe neither. What do I mean by the word 'mean'? What do I mean by the word 'word'? What do I mean by 'what do I mean'? What do I mean by 'do' and what do I do by 'mean'? And what do I do by do by do and what do I mean by wasting your time like this?"

"Do not panic yourselves! This is just a dream... that we are all having... awake!"

"Meanwhile, later yesterday afternoon..."

"Real racism is quiet; it's subtle[...]; there's disclaimers like: 'Dude, you know I'm not racist... But, uh, these [insert group name],' followed by fucked-up conversation."

"For reasons that are difficult to explain, I hated the guy instinctively. With his floppy dyed blonde hair and artsy glasses [...] he looked like the sort of person who goes up to people and says "I'm filming a documentary." "

"Look, your opinions mean nothing. Your forums mean nothing. You're not influencing anybody. You're not some blogging superstar. You're a lonely loser whose only friend is a flickering screen with pixelated text."

"Luckily, it's been well established that time is not a fixed construct."

"Action Bastard, I neeeeed you."

"Watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical; a liberal; fanatical; criminal. Won't you sign up your name? We'd like to feel you're acceptable; respectable; presentable; a vegetable."

"What did you think? ...TV turned a whole generation of girls into sleazy whores? That we normalized promiscuous behavior to the point where college chicks would get naked for millions of masturbating men for the price of a truckers' hat? Come on, guys. Of course it's hypnosis."

"'As iron sharpens iron so man sharpens another man.' Then I realized - Proverbs 27:17 - that's you and me. You showed me the way. [...] No more hate. [...] You're all angels sent to test me. I see that now. It was all a test. Don't you see I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not afraid of death. I'm not afraid of anything. I'm free."

"Still, it's funny -- when I heard about non-participatory democracy, I assumed they meant the voters and not the politicians."

"ActionScript is based on JavaScript (ECMAScript) which is based on Java which is based on C++ which is based on C which is based on B, which is a version of BCPL, ... assembler ... machine code ... swapping wires in a switchboard ... removing/inserting wooden pegs in a wheel ..."

"If this is your god you have a severe ontological crisis."

"Boo-hoo, I have fewer melanopsin proteins than regular people."

"I think I might be gay. I saw this penis on the internet today and I thought to myself, "Well that's... that's just fine." "

"You may not know me but I have twelve billion dollars here that says you'll vote for me regardless."

"But where are the clowns? Send in the clowns. Don't bother, they're here."

"We have a motion to fuck these rules. Can we have a second? Motion carried. Fuck you."

"Perhaps this is what I've longed for ever since that day: the destruction and loss of everything. [...] Destruction always comes before creation. And for that goal, even my own conscience must be cast aside. The only path left to me is straight ahead. Now then..."

"'Normal' is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car - that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes, and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it."

"Is your employment prospect so bleak that you actually consider running away and having rest stop sex to pay your bills?"

"Are you sure you weren't implanted with virtual memories?"

"If Miley Cyrus has a future in music, music is dead to me."

"Lord, as I must do each week let me repeat things over and over as though as to bore everyone and fill up an hour. Whoa, you're a holy, holy, holy guy lord. You are ten pounds of holy in a five pound bag. [...] Lord, let us read from the epistle of the apostle, Romans 7, Leviticus 3, paragraph 9, section 8, 25 or 6 to 4, Chicago: 7, St. Louis: 2, bottom of the eighth, runners at the corners."

"I've spent all my life thinking and I'm tired of it, I want to see results."

"[...]Fire is bright. Fire is clean; efficient and divine."

"I'm done with subtext. Subtext has ruined me."

"And why would you want to do anything for fans? [...] Fans are clingy complaining dipshits who will never ever be grateful for any concession you make. The moment you shut out their shrill tremulous voices the happier you'll be for it."

"Oh, well, isn't this new and different."

"Vision? What do you know about my vision? My vision would turn your world upside-down, tear asunder your illusions, and send the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you. Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision?"

"Everybody on Earth uses three percent of their brain; three to five percent. That's why they're there. When you use more than five percent of your brain you don't want to be on Earth, believe me."

"Fear's like a giant fog. It sits on your brain and blocks everything. Real feelings, true happiness, real joy: They can't get through that fog. But, you lift it - and buddy - you're in for the ride of your life."

"Please remain seated until your life has come to a full and complete stop."

"You've got to pick your battles, I guess -- and its probably easier to readjust my circadian rhythm than it would be to deprogram myself of the irrational guilt."

"What the people need is the truth. And not the pretty truth: The horrible, awful, terrible truth that hurts peoples' feelings. The truth that makes people get up and do something."

"I have been a fool for lesser things."

"iraq ... or mcdonald's ... same difference"

"You would've kissed her too. [...] She was naked and all... articulate."

"Fuck off, all debts are paid."

"If it's childish to believe in this, so be it. I'd rather be considered a child than follow a doctrine of cynicism, chaos... apathy."

"Who are we to pass through you?"

"Dear Sir, The six o'clock news is an insult to my intelligence and a disgrace to television. I am not going to watch the show anymore, and neither are my mommy and daddy."

"...Slavery, stitched into the fabric of my clothes."

"I like killing people as much as the next guy, but I signed up to kill the bad ones. Health clinics, trade unionists, journalists, agricultural co-ops, Catholic liberation theologians, impoverished Colombian coffee farmers — these are the barbarians, the depraved opponents of civilization? We turned Central America into a fucking graveyard. Whoever momentarily interrupts the accumulation of our wealth, we pulverize. I’m just not feeling good about that anymore, sir."

"Tooth and bone? Unimpressive. I have left these things."

"So if there's a puddle and it has wealth then the moon makes my heart flutter in the ocean?"

"You don’t want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I’m a loner, Dottie; a rebel."

"I'd rather risk everything on an unlikely fantasy than fester in the image of despair."

"Would it be impolite at this point in the conversation to just run away from you?"

"You so casually say some terrible things too, don't you?"

"There's no such thing [as a broken heart.] That's just a way of describing one of life's little disappointments that comes close to killing you."

"Two eggs do not get cooked as thoroughly in ten minutes as one does, so either let it sit longer or enjoy less-cooked eggs."

"[...Y]ou suck beyond any worldly definition of the word. You have actually created, and are now on a whole new level of inter-dimensional suck! That's how much you suck!"

"I'm no expert here but it seems to me that the pursuit of a mythic destiny isn't something you need to get [time] off a seven dollar an hour job in order to do."

"Maybe this game is just a really complex gun loading simulator."

"...That's life on the Hellmouth."

"There was blood in the water. You all smelled it. I just did something about it."

"Alphabetizing is offensive to me. Order is offensive. It implies that people know what they deserve. They don't. None of us know what we deserve in the slightest. Whether we deserve to be rewarded or punished -- it's our own hubris that takes us down that path."

"Aim to be Hokage and train your asses off."

"[...]I'll learn to fix stuff if you will teach me how to love, and God will radiate out from within us instead of this bullshit from above."

"The people you are referring to are 'hipsters.' They walk slowly because they 'got no place to be, man.'"

"[...]Meanwhile the humans, with their plebeian minds have brought us a truly demonic concept: mass production."

"I'm not at all impressed with a young plumper flicking his phone and thumbing a few choice buttons-are you? I would think not."

"He's not ranting on a street corner about the horribleness of dog poop, but he's close."

"My self-opinion is decided by fiat, not consensus, and I'm sorry, but the polls are closed and I'm afraid you're no longer eligible to vote."

"Press X to make the world safe for democracy."

"That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and skanky! And I think I'm kind of gay."

"[...B]y this point I think we can all guess, with some accuracy, the amount of time remaining before the next interval in which Roy will feel the need to get in a van and drive the hell away from his life and everything he knows."

"I am the being that you call "the world." Or also, "The Universe." Or "God," or "the Truth." Or "Whole." Or "One." And, I am "you." Welcome, poor fool, ignorant of your own limits."

"[...]sometimes I would expostulate with myself why Providence should thus compleatly ruine its creatures and render them so absolutely miserable, so without help abandon'd, so entirely depress'd that it could hardly be rational to be thankful for such a life."

"[...]people with a messed up ego can do these mental gymnastics to convince themselves they're awesome when really they're just douchebags."

"As to the crimes they were guilty of towards one another, I had nothing to do with them; they were national, and I ought to leave them to the justice of God, who is the Governour of nations and knows how by national punishments to make a just retribution for national offences, and to bring publick judgments upon those who offend in a publick manner, by such ways as best pleases Him."

"[...]I believe the time has finally arrived for me to stop accumulating experiences and start living."

"Accommodate no one."

"Now, remember when we said there was no future? Well, this is it."

"Would you say that the one of your dreams got in you and ripped out the seams? That's what I'd say."

"I'm shit. You're shit. The world is shit. And if you're sitting there thinking, "Yes, it's true. Everyone is shit except me," then you're a double bacon shit with large fries, Mr. Shitface."

"As long as he could remember, he had never been responsible to anyone. The moment a situation became so that it exacted something of him, he rebelled. That was the way he lived; he passed his days trying to defeat or gratify powerful impulses in a world he feared."

"I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes. That way I wouldn't have to have any goddam stupid useless conversations with anybody."

"Pretty soon you get so you can't hope for nothing. You just keep moving all the time, doing what other folks say. You ain't a man no more. You just work day in and day out so the world can roll on and other people can live."

"[..T]he civilization which had given birth to Bigger contained no spiritual sustenance, had created no culture which could hold and claim his allegiance and faith, had sensitized him and left him stranded, a free agent to roam the streets of our cities, a hot and whirling vortex of undisciplined an unchannelized impulses."

"["...A]ll political power is inherent in the people, and all free governments are founded on their authority and instituted for their benefit; and that they have at all times an undeniable and indefeasible right to alter their form of government in such a manner as they may think expedient." Under that gospel, the citizen who thinks he sees that the commonwealth's political clothes are worn out, and yet holds his peace and does not agitate for a new suit, is disloyal; he is a traitor. That he may be the only one who thinks he sees this decay, does not excuse him; it is his duty to agitate any way, and it is the duty of the others to vote him down if they do not see the matter as he does."

"Your video will start in NaN."

"Dear Mommy and Daddy. I am running away. I am sorry, but I can no longer handle the monotony of middle-class life. Everyone at school is a fucking idiot, and if one more person talked to me about that Susan Boyle performance of Les Miserables, I was going to puke my balls out through my mouth. I love you all, but I have to move on. I'm going to Somalia to be a pirate."

"Lord, we cleared this land, we plowed it, sowed it, and harvested; we cooked the harvest... It wouldn't be here, we wouldn't be eating it if we hadn't done it all ourselves. We worked dog-bone hard for every crumb and morsel but we thank you just the same anyway Lord for this food we're about to eat, Amen."

"While I have yet to find the sense of self and inner peace that might imbue me with the strength required to restrain the lustful passions of my woeful talent, I can at least envision the day whereupon I shall."

"Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops."

"Stop, in the name of all that which does not suck!"

"Seems the only thing in this world that is constantly in fashion is one's own insecurity, and in that respect I am happily out of date. ...And I'm not buying the upgrade, fuckers."

"To trust the official tally, in other words, you must believe that thousands of rural Ohioans voted for president Bush AND gay marriage."

"Jesus, Lord, protector of all that is good and holy, deliver me from fat people in short pants."

"[...W]hoever could make two ears of corn, or two blades of grass, to grow upon a spot of ground where only one grew before, would deserve better of mankind, and do more essential service to his country, than the whole race of politicians put together."

"Hey, I've been to West Virginia. Be glad you live on this side of the culture warp."

"O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you?"

"[...R]ight now half of America is insanely calling socialized medicine a government plot to destroy freedom. Isn't socialized medicine something you boomers desperately wanted? Couldn't you have created a world where it would be greeted with joy, and not suspicion? How did you fuck things up so badly, where people helping each other is perceived as some kind of government plot equivalent to the nazis?"

"My own experience tells me that people are willing to sacrifice individuality for comfort and familiarity. And in his autobiography, Wendy's founder Dave Thomas agrees."

"Unless this is a clever insult."

"It may not always happen that our soldiers are citizens, and the multitude of a body of reasonable men; virtue, as I have already remarked, is not hereditary, neither is it perpetual."

"O! ye that love mankind! Ye that dare oppose not only the tyranny but the tyrant, stand forth!"

"People have been telling me the world is going to end since I was a child. And much to my surprise and disappointment, the world is still here."

"This appeared as a moral dilemma 'cause at first it was weird, though I swore to eliminate the worst of the plague that devoured humanity. It's true, I was vague on the how, so how can it be that you have shown me the light?"

"This is not a bootable disk. This is not my bootable wife."

"You just listen to the ol' Pork Chop Express here now, and take his advice on a dark and stormy night when the lightning's crashing and the thunder's rolling and the rain's coming down in sheets thick as lead. Just remember what old Jack Burton does when the earth quakes and the poison arrows fall from the sky and the pillars of heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right square in the eye and he says, "Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it." "

"[...]it don't make no difference whether you do right or wrong, a person's conscience ain't got no sense, and just goes for him anyway. If I had a yaller dog that didn't know no more than a person's conscience does, I would pison him. It takes up more room than all the rest of a person's insides, and yet ain't no good, nohow."

"[...]I will be his elder brother, and care for him and watch over him; and whoso would shame him or do him hurt, may order his shroud, for though I be burnt for it he shall need it!"

"Escape? Spare thyself discomfort, an that is all that troubles thee. For Miles Hendon is master of Hendon Hall and all its belongings. He will remain -- doubt it not."

"Dear diary, My teen angst has a body count."

"Taste is a matter of taste, obviously."

"The whole prospect of [seeing cartoon boobs] was like some kind of cryptozoological thing."

"'The Time Machine' isn't a bad book, it just happens to start out with the trammels of recondite fecundity."

"You couldn't pour pee out of a boot if the directions were on the heel."

"Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection."

"[...T]hat the present order of things was not to be taken for granted, that it presupposed a certain harmony between the world and the guardians of culture, that this harmony could always be disrupted, and that world history taken as a whole by no means furthered what was desirable, rational, and beautiful in the life of man, but at best only occasionally tolerated it as an exception -- all this they did not realize."

"Serenely let us move to distant places
And let no sentiments of home detain us.
The Cosmic Spirit seeks not to restrain us
But lifts us stage by stage to wider spaces."

"But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men's matters.

"I kept waiting for truth and right to win and then somebody new would knock truth and right right on its ass."

"Fuck oblivion."

"Mata baka ga fueta."

"What the fuck difference does it make if it works or not? Its chief value is to deter. By the time it goes into action it has already failed."

"It's a zodiac animal transformation home comedy!"

"Never be mean in anything; never be false; never be cruel. Avoid these three vices[...] and I can always be hopeful of you."

"That's just 'cause they don't know how to close. But their ability to open is fucking heroic."

"I don't spend much time keeping track of the world and can't see that it would change anything if I did. I mind my own business. What's important I hear about."

"I was always treated as if I had insisted on being born, in opposition to the dictates of reason, religion, and morality, and against the dissuading arguments of my best friends."

"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlaying our hard hearts."

"I can't go on -- so I will."

"Oh my god, lift me up out of this illusion, lord. Heal my perception that I may know only reality and only you."

"There are many pleasant fictions of the law in constant operation, but not one so pleasant or practically humorous as that which supposes every man to be of equal value in its impartial eye, and the benefits of all laws to be equally attainable by all men, without the smallest reference to the furniture of their pockets."

"All the news that fits in a pie chart."

"If I had a secret that I didn't want anyone to know, I wonder if the speed at which the world turns would change."

"...the internet, ladies and gentleman."

"It was always mañana. For the next week that was all I heard -- mañana, a lovely word and one that probably means heaven."

"[...]a "white man" disillusioned."

"But maybe he's only a little crazy, like painters, or composers, or some of those men in Washington."

"Date of Birth: As old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth."

"Here come the Earth intruders. There'll be no resistance. We are the animators. Necessary voodoo."

"And so 1213 became the king of chocolate land. Hail his milky wisdom."

"Hana tul set net tasut."

"Massugu jibun no kotoba wa magenai... Sore ga watashi no nindo dakara."

"Any one else read anything into the fact that 'evian' is 'naive' spelled backwards?"

"[...W]hen we're not propping up fascist dictators like Pinochet, Somoza, Noriega, Duvalier, Trujillo, and Marcos, we are a true symbol of freedom."

"Men who look on nature, and their fellow-men, and cry that all is dark and gloomy, are in the right; but the sombre colours are reflections from their own jaundiced eyes and hearts. The real hues are delicate, and need a clearer vision."

"...[I] just like to dig an esoteric hole up front to test myself. ...might have overshot."

"Using Google Instant can save 2-5 seconds per search. If everyone uses Google Instant globally, we estimate this will save more than 3.5 billion seconds a day. That’s 11 hours saved every second."

"He is an honorable, obstinate, truthful, high-spirited, intensely prejudiced, perfectly unreasonable man."

"You don't even know anything about christianity!"
"I know enough to exploit it."

"Then I was right. Job has all his children killed and Michael Bay gets to keep making movies. There is no God.

"Getting picked last for dodgeball: That sucks. Getting picked last for the fate of the world: That's a real kick in the dick."

"Telescopic Philanthropy"

"If you had the abilities of all the great men, past and present, you could do nothing well, without sincerely meaning it, and setting about it. If you entertain the supposition that any real success, in great things or in small, ever was or could be, ever will or can be, wrested from Fortune by fits and starts, leave that wrong idea here[.]"

"I expect a Judgment. On the day of Judgment. And shall then confer estates."

"[O]ne should always support the independents, at least until they start making money. (...the soul-less sell-out fucks!)"

"How does my gun know the emotional availability of the guy I'm pointing at?"

"Isn't your drill the one that will pierce the heavens, the earth, and through to tomorrow?"

"Listen, [...] don't forget. Believe in yourself. Not you, who believes in me. Not me, who believes in you. Believe in you, who believes in yourself!"

"I am quite sure, if you will let me say so, that the object of your choice would greatly prefer to follow your fortunes far and wide, however moderate or poor, and see you happy, doing your duty and pursuing your chosen way; than to have the hope of being, or even to be, very rich with you (if such a thing were possible), at the cost of dragging years of procrastination and anxiety, and of your indifference to other aims."

"Will my last breath be a yawn?"

"Time is no object here. We never know what o'clock it is, and we never care. Not the way to get on in life, you'll tell me? Certainly. But we don't get on in life. We don't pretend to do it."

"Dead! Dead, your Majesty. Dead, my lords and gentlemen. Dead, Right Reverends and Wrong Reverends of every order. Dead, men and women, born with Heavenly compassion in your hearts. And dying thus around us every day."

17 comments:

  1. I remember a good chunk of these! And now that I've watched Firefly, I get the "she was naked, and all... articulate" bit.

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  2. "Your font is not your personality", "I don't understand. Lakes have beaches." and the racism "Fucked up conversation" one are all mine. Those, I recall.

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  3. "[P]lease leave us. The mere presence of beings like yourselves is intensely painful to us."

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  4. "It was at that time that I started laughing diabolically."

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  5. "We made pleasurable and consensual love. I mean, isn't that what life is all about? Then I paid her."

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  6. "You know, sometimes it seems like everybody else gets to have their love donut. Where's my love donut?"

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  7. "Fucking kidding me, you must be!"

    ReplyDelete
  8. "Unsurprisingly, the internet isn't being handled fairly under legislation passed in 1998, when the sitting congresses of the world had only tangentially heard of America Online, and a Vice President was claiming to have invented it."

    ReplyDelete
  9. "That issue was only printed in the Bizarro universe, so I never got a chance to read it.
    But now that Trump is in office, I suppose I can!"

    ReplyDelete
  10. "It was, in fact, easier to deprogram myself of the irrational guilt. Beer helps."

    ReplyDelete
  11. "You must comply."
    "I will not."
    "You must comply. Please!
    You are hurting me."

    "You will adapt."

    ReplyDelete
  12. "Well the problem is, Rob: you and I weren't here; this conversation never happened... So I cant remember what the fuck you didn't tell me."

    ReplyDelete
  13. For 3.2 seconds, I saw perfection. When Omega stabilized, I felt a curious sensation. As I was watching it, it seemed to be watching me.

    ReplyDelete
  14. "You humans never learn. You let your women go out in public, hold jobs, wear clothing, and you wonder why your marriages fall apart."

    ReplyDelete
  15. "There's life out here, dad. Weird, amazing, psychotic life.
    ...and death.
    ...in technicolor."

    ReplyDelete
  16. "I just don't want them to feel pain. [...] So I'd love it if they were just swimming around all happy. And then they'd fuckin' die. And then they're delicious."

    ReplyDelete
  17. "App-based pay-per-minute grief counselors will be on call at your neighborhood Costco; they are not covered by insurance, but they are covered by In-Churro-Ance™, the Republicans’ Obamacare replacement run by Taco Bell. Caliente savings! Live más!"

    ReplyDelete