In the third round of Kooh's Pangya Festa tournament - versus Cecilia at Blue Moon, I believe - and having no more than six holes to work with, you'll note... I managed to rack up almost 1800 natural pang! (Around 2200 if you count bonus pang.) I know, I know... so young.

"How is this feat possible?" you ask? "What unnatural Faustian bond with the dark lord was required to achieve such stunning figures?," you inquire? "What the hell is a 'Kooh' and why does it have a 'Festa' you lost and desperate soul?" you bemoan?

First off, I'm talking about 'Super Swing Golf' for the Wii, aka 'Albatross 18,' aka 'Pangya,' aka the most repackaged, remarketed 3d anime-styled video golf game ever released. (Its a short list.) A 'Kooh' is a playable character, and an astoundingly sexualized one for an eleven year old girl. But then again they do grow up so fast... especially when they're eleven year old Asian girls who play golf and captain pirate ships for a living. (Just ask Luffy. He golfs, right?)

So, now that you're hip: How did I score 1770 natural pang on Blue Moon, and in only six holes?! By dropping not one, but two - count 'em - two shots in from over 160 yards out. -plunk- The first one was around 200 yards, actually.

You should've seen it! No potions or power shots needed, just a keen eye, a steady hand, and a barrel full of luck. (Luck is a skill too... apparently.) I even had a bit of curve on the ball to ease it back against the wind! Yeah, that's right. This wasn't no windless, straight-in sinker. No sir! I was hitting a friggin' 3W off the carpet, bounced the first-cut on my way up and rolled in for an eagle on a par 4 like it weren't no thang. Uh-huh! Detroit what?

The second was even more magnificent to watch. Get this, son. I loaded up a power shot, set myself a Tomahawk, adjusted for wind and under-hit to take a little length off; no powerspin required. That ball bursts into flames, goes flying at the pin like a snowball riding a bat out of hell, comes down - catches the beam a foot off the ground and rides it like a well-lubed stripper straight down into the hole. That's right,: I hit a 160y, tomahawk'd, motherfuck'n beam-in, mother-fucker! Albatross! Par 5! 500+ yards! Who run Barter-town?!

Master Blaster runs Barter-town!


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